{Download kindle} Definitely Dead Author Charlaine Harris – Andy-palmer.co.uk

Definitely Dead This series is one of the most mind numbingly stupid things I ve ever read And believe it or not, I mean that to be a highly complimentary statement Weird, I know Before starting book number six, track down a copy of the short story titled One Word Answer that appears in the anthology Bite Randomly, and I say randomly because it s been sitting in my house for about two years now and since I really don t like anthologies, had very little desire to even crack the cover so I spent the extra This series is one of the most mind numbingly stupid things I ve ever read And believe it or not, I mean that to be a highly complimentary statement Weird, I know Before starting book number six, track down a copy of the short story titled One Word Answer that appears in the anthology Bite Randomly, and I say randomly because it s been sitting in my house for about two years now and since I really don t like anthologies, had very little desire to even crack the cover so I spent the extra 15 minutes reading the ultra short One Word Answer before starting Definitely Dead and saved myself some confusion granted, not major confusion, but enough that had I not read the short story first, I d have been scratching my head Okay, officially they re spoilers, but I m not going to give away whodunnit, so they re probably spoilers lite, mm kay spoilers past this point Here are some important facts The new bartender at Fangtasia is a lesbian vampire Vampire Bill sucks Quinn the weretiger has purple eyes and he s packing heat and I m not talking about a gun Quinn and Sookie engage in a heated session of dry humping, but there is no actual sex Quinn is cool but he s not Eric I m not partial or anything, right Sookie s definitely dead and murdered cousin, Hadley, was a vampire Hadley was also a lesbian vampire The vampire queen of Louisiana was Hadley s lesbian lover Sookie is on her period for most of this novel Obviously this opens up the door for all sorts of strange vampires and supernatural creatures to comment on the ethereal scent of her blood It turns out Sookie has fairy blood Amelia the witch is cool I dig her Okay And now for the most tasteless joke you ll hear all week Q What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire A See you next month I know, it s gross But admit it, you laughed And if you didn t, you probably shouldn t read this book I am so pleased to see Harris getting back on track I particularly liked Eric socially assassinating Bill at the hospital Say goodbye to your dating life, BillYes, I am firmly in the Eric camp. Ackthese books are so terrible, yet so entertaining I can t stop reading them, even though I m mortified to admit that I like them I was also terribly confused when I started reading this book, and even had to check to make sure that I didn t miss a book in the series somehow Somehow Sookie s cousin, who has been turned into a vampire by her lover, the Queen of Louisiana, is murdered, but all this happens before the book starts, leaving me a bit confused Some random thoughts on my part I Ackthese books are so terrible, yet so entertaining I can t stop reading them, even though I m mortified to admit that I like them I was also terribly confused when I started reading this book, and even had to check to make sure that I didn t miss a book in the series somehow Somehow Sookie s cousin, who has been turned into a vampire by her lover, the Queen of Louisiana, is murdered, but all this happens before the book starts, leaving me a bit confused Some random thoughts on my part I like the weretiger Quinn, although every time he calls Sookie, Babe , I gag A lot Amelia the witch is wonderful How can you not like a character who accidently turns her lover Bob into a cat during sexual experimentation Bill the Vampire totally and completely sucks I knew there was a reason I never warmed up to him or even saw any attraction in him Give me Eric s liveliness any day One thing I really enjoyed about this book is when Sookie starts meeting some of the vampires who work for the Queen of Louisiana and how they tell her a bit of their history Saxon twins love it And I enjoyed the part where the Queen tells Sookie all about her past and how she became a vampire The ending was exciting and fast paced, too A fun read 2.5 Leave It a Mystery StarsI knew better I knew it and I did it anyways It s my own fault At first glimpse Harris love interests always seem like a good idea, and the hinting descriptions of Quinn in book 5 had me panting, begging forI mean he sounds like a taller Vin Diesel ugh, curse you google I did not want to know he was only 5 9 And don t get me wrong there is nothing WRONG with being 5 9 that s the exact height that CQ lies to himself that he is I just always pictured 2.5 Leave It a Mystery StarsI knew better I knew it and I did it anyways It s my own fault At first glimpse Harris love interests always seem like a good idea, and the hinting descriptions of Quinn in book 5 had me panting, begging forI mean he sounds like a taller Vin Diesel ugh, curse you google I did not want to know he was only 5 9 And don t get me wrong there is nothing WRONG with being 5 9 that s the exact height that CQ lies to himself that he is I just always pictured him as like 6 2 And I looooooove me some Vin Diesel, especially in Pitch Black Riddick will always have a special place in my heart Any fucking ways So Quinn, amirite , this guy turns into a fucking TIGER, and not just any old tiger a Bengal tiger That s awesome, IN CONCEPT Unfortunately once any hot guy in Harris books becomes Sookie Stackhouse s love interest of the moment he not only loses points for intelligence in my eyes, he also getspage time Andpage time with Harris usually means gets boring fast In this world, for me, themystery I have about a male theinteresting he is Once I start hearing about how tedious and boring his job is or how his eyes are violet brown like muthafucking pansies or the clothes he stylishly sports for date night , he quickly loses appeal So, needless to say, I lost interest in my reason for picking this book up MOAR QUINN The murder mystery was slightlyinteresting in this one And while I find Harris horrible at telegraphing everything ahead of time I was a lotinterested in what was going on here I don t want to get to spoilery, but I will say that there are cool elements in Definitely Dead with regards to how the other half lives The politics of the vampires, being but one of them that I found intriguing Witches, shifters, weres, vengeanceMurder, mayhem, chaos all that good stuff Unfortunately it is still written by Harris, and even really good writing from her is just decent writing in my opinion The title refers to the death of the undead or dead forever.Sookie s cousin was a vampire that got killed for having a strong affiliation with the Vampire Queen of Louisiana I know, I know This was mentioned in a book before, but now the issue comes to the forefront as does the plot of book 1, which started it all We can now fit pieces of the puzzle together, and it makessense to visit the past than to keep on adding characters and intersecting storylines Mrs Harris obviously kn The title refers to the death of the undead or dead forever.Sookie s cousin was a vampire that got killed for having a strong affiliation with the Vampire Queen of Louisiana I know, I know This was mentioned in a book before, but now the issue comes to the forefront as does the plot of book 1, which started it all We can now fit pieces of the puzzle together, and it makessense to visit the past than to keep on adding characters and intersecting storylines Mrs Harris obviously knows what she is doing.About True Blood Season 1 It was nominated for the Golden Globe, despite critical blahs My favorite episode is The Fifth Man in the Fire which has Sookie thinking her bf is dead, just as her grandmother Too many bodies piling up has Tara who makes cameos in the books, but is not a true comrade as she is on the HBO series thinking that Sookie is trying to commit suicide by inhaling gas fumes, when in reality all she is doing is cleaning the house her grandmother always kept neat Also, air time of himbo Jason Stackhouse is limited thank god , and the cemetary sex scene is HOttt I have seen the series twice and it is quite captivating Season 2 better be faithful to Living Dead in Dallas , a strange sequel to a fiery start Fellowship of the Sun, the trip to Dallas, all that better stay in Even the maenid is introduced by Episode 10 Exciting Man, I really will miss this after book 7 I yet have to purchase the rest of the Sookie Stackhouse novels I am entranced by this like a human would be to Bill, Eric, or any of the vampire denizens within the Charlaine Harris Southern Vamp realm This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers To view it, click here The sixth book in the series, and yet another round of Sookie s astoundingly dull thoughts on the outfits, hair colour, cars and interior d cor of herself and everyone she meets Plot wise there s somemysterious attacks on Sookie to explain, another male whose sexual assault Sookie mistakes for courtship, the re appearance of Bill s chaetophilia and basically very little else A character to whom we have never been introduces is killed, Sookie goes to investigate the death of another chara The sixth book in the series, and yet another round of Sookie s astoundingly dull thoughts on the outfits, hair colour, cars and interior d cor of herself and everyone she meets Plot wise there s somemysterious attacks on Sookie to explain, another male whose sexual assault Sookie mistakes for courtship, the re appearance of Bill s chaetophilia and basically very little else A character to whom we have never been introduces is killed, Sookie goes to investigate the death of another character who has never appeared in the series, Sookie is nearly raped again, another body turns up in a cupboard Sookie goes to another hospital Bubba turns up again for no particular reason, and once again we have to hear everything about how and why he is and what he likes to eat This remains uninteresting and unamusing Finally two less than thrilling mysteries are cleared up Sookie s attacker is revealed to be the character who has a grudge against her, and the person who sliced a random new character in half with a sword turns out to be a new character who walks around wearing a large sword at all times For some reason I was not entirely gripped with suspense whilst waiting for these outcomes.Most Idiotically Inane Comment I yanked my hair into a ponytail and then doubled the elastic band around it,making it into a kind of topknot I had a little fan of the ends waving above my head Though I tried not to admit it to myself, I thought this slapdash hairstyle was fun looking and kind of cute Most Hypocritical StatementSookie on Tara Now she was safe, if she was smart enough to stay away from the supernatural world Most Childishly Bitchy RemarkPortia made the childish gesture, and tucked the thick catalog under her arm She was wearing one of her lawyer suits, a brownish tweedy looking straight skirt and jacket with a silk blouse underneath She had on beige hose and low heeled pumps, and she carried a matching purse Bo ring.Apart from the bitchiness, I m not sure why Sookie makes this sound like she s describing a child playing dress up In fairness, Portia is in fact a lawyer, and so is surely entitled to own as many lawyer suits as she wants without being insulted Most Selfish ActionJason Stackhouse leaving his girlfriend at home suffering from the after effects of a miscarriage, whilst he visits his sister s for a hamburger.Biggest InconsistencyTo get around her own stupid rules about the were shifter ability only passing down from two were shifter parents to their oldest child, Harris decides to make both old character Debbie Pelt and her newly introduced sister Sandra adoptees As Sookie explains Okay Debbie Pelt, werefox, had been adopted I d learned that the Weres were prone to fertility problems, and I assumed that the Pelts had given up on having their own little Were, and had adopted a baby that was at least some kind of shape shifter, if not their own kind Even a full blooded fox must have seemed preferable to a plain human Then the Pelts had adopted another daughter, a Were I have two problems with this Firstly, if weres and shifters have such fertility problems then where are all these adoption eligible babies coming from And second, at what point did Debbie turn from a were lynx to a were fox I can only assume that even Harris herself is unable to bear to re read her books, and thus was unable to proof read for consistency Most Poorly Thought Through Scene Most Childish Synonym for a Period My little friend had come to visit, and I felt the sensation even as I realized what was contributing to my general irritation.I glanced over at Bill and caught him staring at me, his nostrils flaring He could smell the blood A wave of acute embarrassment rolled over me, turning my face red For a second, I glimpsed naked hunger on his face, and then he wiped his features clean of all expression.If he wasn t weeping with unrequited love on my doorstep, at least he was suffering a little A tiny pleased smile was on my lips when I glimpsed myself in the mirror behind the bar So being in the same room as a woman having a period causes a vampire to experiencenaked hungerand suffer somewhat This applies even if the room in question is a crowded bar and the vampire and woman in question are not even close In which case Bill has presumably had a very difficult 130 odd years as a vampire, as menstruating is something that many people do quite regularly for several days at a time without considering whether there might be a vampire in the vicinity Personally I would have recommended him to develop a little self control during his many years in existence, at least to a sufficient degree to avoid him making silly faces whenever a menstruating woman is nearby.Stupidest New Character NameRafe PrudhommeGladiola the Half DemonJade Flower Clumsily faux asian Worst Misunderstanding of the Concept of Irony my grandmother believed that plants, like birds and dogs, belonged outside ironically enough, I d gotten some houseplants when she died, and I was trying hard to keep them alive That s not ironic Sookie Disrespectful of your grandmothers wishes perhaps, but not ironic.Most Snobbish Small minded Reaction The sheets startled me so much that I stood there with my lips curled They were disgusting black satin, for God s sake And not even real satin, but some synthetic Give me percale or 100% cotton, any day Although I suppose it s entirely in character for someone who is apparently shocked and amazed by the kind of basic goth accoutrements that the average 12 year old might wear without a second thought Black lipstick and striped tights really aren t all that bizarre Sookie.Most Clich d Plot Development Claudine the Fairy turns out to not only be Sookie s Fairy Godmother, but also engaged in committing good deeds in order to become an angel A nonsensical conflation of pre Christian folk beliefs, traditional fairy tales and non canonical biblical mumbo jumbo often spouted in TV specials featuring desperate, mentally ill people Plus whilst informing Sookie of these facts Claudine compounds the horror by referring to Sookie asThe Sook.Most Noticeable Casual Racism The guard himself was a sturdy man with brown skin and a nose as curved as a rainbow He d been born somewhere in the Middle East, once upon a time Most Unintentionally Revealing Remark Sorry, anyone who knows me knows I don t do women I don t know who you expect Jade Flower s reporting to But if they ve done any homework, that s just a fact about me Absolutely everyone that Sookie knows, without exception, knows that there is no way that she would ever have sex with a woman How Presumably the subject hasn t arisen independently with every one of her acquaintances The only way this could make sense is if Sookie is known to have a prejudice against lesbians Which, given that she has a prejudice against all women other than her, would certainly make sense.Most Unnecessary and Vain Self Description Most Extended Criticism of a Dead Relative s Taste in Clothes I checked out Hadley s clothes that I d wriggled into The black spandex workout pants came to midthigh Hadley probably had never worn them, because they would have been too big, to her taste On me, they were very snug, but not the snug Hadley liked, where you could count the oh, never mind The hot pink tank top left my pale pink bra straps showing, to say nothing of a couple of inches of my middle, but thanks to Peck s Tan a Lot located inside Peck s Bunch o Flicks, a video rental place in Bon Temps , that middle was nice and brown Hadley would have put a piece of jewelry in her belly button A particularly fine example of Sookie s tendency to combine an obsession with her own clothes and person with a compulsion to belittle others in comparison with herself In this case the person suffering her scorn is her troubled and recently deceased cousin, making her catty barbs all thecruel and unnecessary To make it worse, this is then followed by the longest and most boring description of someone putting their hair into a pony tail ever committed to paper, breaking Harris previous record with ease Amid the details of the pony tail s exact length and Sookie s ability to centre it exactly, we also witness two men being reduced to gasping lust by the sight of Sookie s lycra covered arse Sookie initially purports to be ignorant of the cause of their reaction, before realising After another glance in the mirror, it occurred to me that maybe anything I did in that outfit was fairly interesting, if you were a fully functional guy Showing either massive vanity of an incredibly low opinion of all males Although to be fair most males in Sookie s world are guilty or sexual assault and or rape, so maybe she has a point.Least Helpful Response to a Sexual AssaultQuinn s descent into a massive sulk because he was unable to stop Sookie being kidnapped and oncemolested, and instead had to be rescued by her even though it s embarrassing being rescued by a woman In case you think this is just a personal interpretation of the text But his mind, ah, that was full of snarled confusion and anger that he couldn t find a place to stuff Did I help you Did I free you Did I protect you from the fucking Weres No, I let that son of a bitch stick his finger up you, and I watched, I couldn t do anything Oh Male pride You got my hands free, I pointed out And you can help me now How he turned to me, and he was deeply upset I realized that he was a guy who took his protecting very seriouslyI knew that Quinn was in a funk because he hadn t killed all our attackers and saved me from being sullied by their touch Nice medieval attitude Quinn Don t thank Sookie or show any sensitivity regarding what just happened Just go into a strop like a big fat baby because someone else touched your woman and disrespected you.Further, Quinn is the kind of man who walks into a room naked and saysDo you like what you seeSo, all in all a grade A arsehole Which is of course Sookie s type.The novel finally comes to an end with yet another badly written and dull vampire battle, after which Sookie returns home with the addition of two randomly added sidekicks, a witch and the man she has accidentally turned into a cat I m not sure whether Harris has purloined this plot device from A Bad Spell for the The Worst Witch, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or even Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but I am certain that I didn t want to see it again The loose ends are wrapped up and the next book clumsily set up in three pages and then the book mercifully closes with the standard threat of yet another volume of this trash 2.5 StarsThis book was all over the place I don t think I could describe the plot of this book if you gave me 1 million dollars It had something to do with Sookie s dead cousin.A vampire meetingSookie got yet another love interest And Bill is still THE WORST 2019 Re ReadYou know, I have library books that I can t renew and that I should be reading My kitchen is in chaos and I had cornflakes for supper last night My to do list is as long as my arm And yet, I m re reading this series instead of doing any of that Je ne regrette rien.This is the heart break volume, when Sookie finds out that she s based a lot of ideas about her life on shifting sands and doesn t know what is exactly true anyI d been blindsided with the most painful knowledge 2019 Re ReadYou know, I have library books that I can t renew and that I should be reading My kitchen is in chaos and I had cornflakes for supper last night My to do list is as long as my arm And yet, I m re reading this series instead of doing any of that Je ne regrette rien.This is the heart break volume, when Sookie finds out that she s based a lot of ideas about her life on shifting sands and doesn t know what is exactly true anyI d been blindsided with the most painful knowledge the first man to ever say he loved me had never loved me at all His passion had been artificial His pursuit of me had been choreographed To add insult to injury, she is informed by an ancient vampire that she has fairy heritage and that is her big attraction for vampires, who are to fairies what cats are to catnip He doesn t even realize that he s kicking her when she s down Quinn has entered stage right at exactly the right to time sooth Sookie s wounded pride.Despite the emotional turmoil and unending vampiric politics, Sookie has to deal with her doubly deceased cousin s belongings During the clean up of Hadley s apartment, she discovers yet another body in a closet Was this the second body I d found in the closet, or the third I wondered why I even opened closet doors anyAt least she comes out of these events with a female friend, Amelia, plus some credit with the Queen of Louisiana She s going to need both Original review Another installment in the Sookie Stackhouse soap opera and I am still enjoying these books farthan I would ever have believed that I would The whole set up is ridiculous, but it is so much fun.No one ever gives Sookie credit for her ideas, but she comes up withsolutions than all of the supposedly ancient vampires put together Andoften than not, it is just like when women pitch ideas in a meeting the men ignore the ideas and then pitch the same ideas themselves later and congratulate themselves on finding the solutions Sookie is getting better at having her ideas acknowledged though.Another positive development she seems to be developing some female friends, some back up for when all the men in her life become difficult Because let s face it, lovers come and go, but friends are there through thick and thin.I just hit the jackpot in my local used book store apparently someone was cleaning off their bookshelf and turned in a whole whack of Sookie books, so I have the next several novels queued up and ready to go Now the temptation will be to read them all at once, which I suspect would decrease my enjoyment of them substantially Self control will become important and I m not sure that I ve got it this summer Since Louisiana Cocktail Waitress Sookie Stackhouse Has So Few Living Relatives, She Hates To Lose One Even Her Cousin Hadley, Undead Consort Of The Vampire Queen Of Louisiana Hadley S Left Everything She Has To Sookie, But Claiming That Inheritance Has A High Risk Factor Some People Don T Want Her Looking Too Deeply Into Hadley S Past, Or Hadley S Possessions And They Re Prepared To Do Anything In Their Power To Stop Her Whoever It Is, They Re Definitely Dangerous And Sookie S Life Is Definitely On The Line Let me just say, right off the bat, that I had a love hate relationship with this installment of Sookie s life This one was another good read, story wise, but it frustrated the hell out of me We re steadily learningandabout Sookie, and her life and love s , and not all of those things are good This book completely engrossed me, even while I was gettingandupset with it At times I felt myself winding up the old throwin arm to chuck the damn thing at the wall, but that Let me just say, right off the bat, that I had a love hate relationship with this installment of Sookie s life This one was another good read, story wise, but it frustrated the hell out of me We re steadily learningandabout Sookie, and her life and love s , and not all of those things are good This book completely engrossed me, even while I was gettingandupset with it At times I felt myself winding up the old throwin arm to chuck the damn thing at the wall, but that wouldn t have made the outcome any different, and it probably would dented the wall just to spite me, even though I m reading a paperback Possible spoilers After a heartbreaking revelation about Bill and the origin of their relationship, Sookie now feels completely betrayed and duped She is also being ridiculously unreasonable and irrational, in my opinion To be honest, Sookie has an annoying habit of running away from anything that upsets her She would be much better off if she would stop making assumptions about people and their motives and just let them actually TALK to her It is insanely frustrating to me that this story is told in first person, so we only get Sookie s lopsided and biased view of everyone around her This is true of all books told in 1st person, of course, but this book really seems to have taken that to another level, since Sookie is being so stubbornly stupid and spiteful, even I really think that her ability to hear other people s thoughts has made herthan a bit jaded, and so she isthan ready to see the bad in people, which leads her to just shut them down, utterly and completely Perhaps there are people out there who will disagree with my saying these things about Sookie, and I can understand that She is generally good, and tries to do the right thing, and I do like her, most of the time She s gutsy and fun, smart but naive But, when it comes to her heart, she s all or nothing Bill is no saint, but I truly believe that he loves Sookie and would do anything for her I feel for him the most, even though Sookie was hurt so badly Bill really had no choice in any of the things that Sookie is angry with him about, and he is possibly losing her because of his role in Vampire society Eric cares for Sookie, but in a self serving, hey look at the cute puppy can I keep it kind of way I m not a big fan of a Sookie Eric relationship That s just personal preference though I see nothing wrong with either Alcide or Quinn yet so I am still rather baffled by Sookie s anger at Alcide, but I m glad that she is beingcautious with Quinn.Maybe the next book will resolve some of these issues for me I sure hope so

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